Sunday, 3 September 2017

Why now?

Why am I blogging now? Well, it's something I've considered, wanted to do and sort of had a half-hearted bash at a couple of times. Now my friend and teacher Effy Wild has this challenge to blog every day in September. So I joined in. Why not?

I have a terrible track record with doing-a-thing-a-day challenges. And I don't care, not this time, somehow this doesn't matter. Do or do not.

I'm not worried about being visible. I'm not worried that no one will read this. Or monetising it or numbers or any of those things the experts talk about. The things they blog about so you will give them money to tell you what they think about how to blog. I'm getting cynical. Or realistic. Both work. Neither matter. I'm just playing with words.

Effy is supplying prompts, to engage with or not as the mood strikes. Today I engage. This is something I have never really had an answer to.

Today’s Nudge: What do you really want?

I'm not sure if I never figured it out, or if some part of me knows, but is too scared to let on. Something so massive, or so simple, I either couldn't see all of it, or couldn't allow myself to settle for it. It's like the question they asked us in school - where do you see yourself in five years time? I don't. I can't.

Sometimes it seems like it would be a bloody miracle if I survive five more years. I'm amazed I've lasted as long as I have.

And yet I have this sense of seeking something. Yearning, a longing.

Is it sufficient answer to say I want to know what it is that I want?

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